Waiting for Tomorrow
by Ann aspiring writer
Summary: Set after the end of Gone with the Wind. Scarlett O'Hara takes her time to think of her life and what really matters to her. I tried to give an insight into her past, present and future. This is my first attempt at a fanfiction. Please let me know what you think!


I'm waiting for Tomorrow.

I'm waiting for a day when all the hurt and loneliness I have surrounded myself with will go away. And then, as the promising light of the dawn will be caressing my beloved Tara, I will think of a way to mend my broken past and win back his love. Once again, like so many years ago, I'll contemplate the everlasting beauty of the plantation, and let myself find my peace, encouraged by that sense of security I first felt when Pa was speaking to me about my being Irish and loving Tara.

Yes, this is what I have to do. For the first time, I need to think. Seriously and honestly. Not of money or of stealing Ashley's love from Melanie, but of what really matters to me. And what mattered to me all along. Rhett's lost love for me and my blinded, but true love for him.

Now, as I'm standing here all alone again, it seems as if a veil of mist was finally lifted from my eyes. The same fog that haunted my nightmares. It hurts so much to think that I had to lose everything and everyone before the veil could be lifted. And no, it was not lifted by me, foolish and childish me, but by life itself, that desperately wanted to teach me my lesson. And now, looking back, I can see clearly. Oh, but how much I deserved it! I used everyone; I fought only for myself, inconsiderate of other's feelings, always rude and straightforward. Not that I feel terribly sorry for my behavior towards India Wilkes or the likes of her.

But I can't bear to think of how mean I was to Melanie and Rhett. If my heart wasn't already broken, it would tear it to pieces to remember everything I did and said against her! I despised her when I had no right or reason to do so. And she was so much better than me, though she never believed so. She was what I couldn't be: calm, kind, selfless, appreciative, supportive, almost too good to be true. But I know now that she was true and that I should have been grateful for having someone like her by my side, defending me and believing in me even when she shouldn't have. My heart skipped a beat when, on her deathbed, she said my name and Ashley's together… but she never knew what I was trying to do behind her back, how I was abusing her love to get to Ashley. No matter what India would have said to here, she always defended my honesty, even though God knows I gave her no reason whatsoever to do so. Rhett was right, as usual… she was too good to see the rotten part of me. My dear sister, if we had had more time, I would have loved you so…

And then there is, of course, Rhett. He was so right. He knew what I knew not, he saw what I foolishly ignored, and he understood what my clouded mind could not. And more important, he loved me. He fell for me, faults and all, waiting for the day when I would finally see them and correct them, and realize that I had also fallen for him. But that day was late, way too late, and it broke both our hearts. Time kept slipping by and everything was gone with the wind: the Old South, the persons I loved, even the feelings.

Why is this happening to me? But I already know the painful answer. Mostly, because of me and my infatuation with Ashley. How it must have hurt Rhett to know that every moment I spent with him, when I almost made him think that he had made me care for him and won his losing battle, I was actually thinking of Ashley. But not of the real Ashley. Of that perfect, precious person that I shaped up for myself that glorious day at Tara when he returned from his trip to Europe. How ironical… my knight in shining armor, that didn't even really exist. Rhett tried to tell me all along, but I never listened. I was too caught up in being who I am, or who I was before, because I know that I am changed.

I may be the villain, but I believe that somehow, in the late part of our relationship, it just wasn't mean to be better anymore. We didn't meet halfway, even though both of us wanted to. Pride, fear and hazard fought against us. Did they really win? Is there really nothing I can do?

Somehow, I don't believe it. There IS, there must be a way to win back his love. A way to prove him that I really care for him and that I am the only one who really understands what we've been through. I want to help him heal his wounds, while healing mine, coming to terms with Bonnie's death and the miscarriage. I want to help him start all over. Start all over with me.

I wish I can say it to him one more time:

"I love you."

And I want to find out if it changes anything.


End file.
